Operation: Revenge
by dark mirth
Summary: One virtual reality game. One innocent prank gone totally awry. One seriously screwed Kyouya Ootori. Rated for some smut and lemon and seriousness. HikaHaru, Yaoi and straight love KyouTama On Hiatus
1. Capturing the Shadow King

DM: Well I'm back with another story for you all in the lovely Ouran High School Host Club fandom! Before we begin it, though, I have a few points I need to make (this will be the last long author note I promise):

First of all, this is technically the sequel to _Be Careful What You Wish For_. **However, it stands alone as its own story as well.** So, even if you can't be bothered to go back and read it (though it would make me really happy if you did) you can still read this story, which will probably end up being a lot better anyway.

Secondly, this fic will work a little differently that _Be Careful_. The story will be told from Kyouya's perspective for the most part, but there will be some objective parts as well as Renge's random interjections periodically.

Thirdly, I rated this fic M for a reason. Don't read it if sex and homo-homo side characters make you uneasy. There are also some serious conversations that will happen, and if you're going to be a brat and leave me a review in all caps about how you think "such and such a thing is immoral and wrong" and whatnot then just don't bother. I'll ignore you. My fics are not meant to spark political or religious debate and I will refuse to engage in any with you.

Furthermore, if anyone really likes this story or _Be Careful What You Wish For_, I would love it if you volunteered to beta it for me. I'm just too tired to go searching through the lists of betas to find one suitable for the story, but I think I _do_ need one, so yea…leave it in a review, please. While I write this fic I'd love it if you could help me with a rewrite of _Be Careful_, since now that I'm looking over it I've decided that it's kind of embarrassingly bad. To be fair, it was my first OHSHC fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or any of its characters. I do own the plots of this story and its prequel.

**Operation: Revenge**

**Chapter One**

**Capturing the Shadow King**

"Hey, Haruhi," Hikaru whispered, tugging on her sleeve, "Are you sure about this?"

The girl locked her big eyes on his and nodded with determination. Hikaru gulped. She'd never looked that sexy before. He watched her walk on ahead of him, noting how her soft brown hair swished from side to side.

She was dressed in all black and looked like some kind of ninja. Hikaru was dressed the same. Running a hand through his red hair, he motioned for the group behind him to follow.

The Host Club was on the move, but not on the orders of the President or Vice President. This job was entirely personal.

Kaoru, Hunny and Mori nodded as the quartet followed their fearless leader. Haruhi walked without looking back.

Tonight she would have her revenge.

* * *

Hello, all! This is Renge speaking. I bet you're wondering what the Hell's going on. Here's a little something to get you up to speed:

I invested heavily in the next UkiDoki game, UkiDoki Memorial 3: Virtual Romance and was put in charge of testing! It was amazing! A game based on your own memories that reflected the world around you. You can even feel everything that happens to you! Unfortunately, you can only play while unconscious, but that hasn't stopped me from winning the hearts of every boy in the Host Club! At least in the game, anyway…

Right, where was I? Oh yea. So Kyouya had this great idea. Ranka (That's Haruhi's dad's name at the gay bar, where he works as a cross-dresser) needed a new fur coat anyway, so he sold us the right to use Haruhi as our test subject!

It was really fun, messing with his sex drive and watching him fall madly in love with Hikaru! However, Kyouya was getting bored so he kind of messed things up…But in the end, Haruhi beat the game!

So when he woke up, he was naturally really mad, but then Haruhi turned out to be a girl! How strange that I didn't notice it all this time! And she isn't technically in the Host Club anymore…Anyway, after a lot more drama, she and Hikaru got together for real. So everything's fine, I guess.

Except for the fact that she and the gang (minus Tamaki and Kyouya) just showed up at my house about ten minutes ago and stole my game console, saying that they needed to "borrow" it. Gosh darn it!

* * *

The group made it at last to the Ootori home, sneaking over the fence. Hikaru jogged a little to catch up with Haruhi, who had pulled ahead, when he suddenly found his face slammed in the dirt, a loud howling in his ears.

He had tripped over some kind of wire, triggering the alarm systems. It wasn't even the actual defense system (the Ootori's were more clever than that) but the decoy one set to lull potential criminals into a false sense of security. What does this say about Hikaru's intelligence?

Haruhi helped him up, barely stifling a laugh at the look of embarrassment on his face. Kaoru came and stood by them while Hunny and Mori proceeded to take out the guards that flocked towards them one by one.

"Hi-yah!" Hunny yelled, kicking one in the face. Mori silently swung one into another two, causing the three to fall away. The guards kept coming.

Hunny punched someone over his shoulder without looking, in the meantime using his free hand to motion to the others to keep going. Haruhi nodded and gave him a small smile.

With the twins flanking her, Haruhi crept up to the house, tightening her grip on the backpack she now carried. Inside was the instrument of her revenge, the only way to pay back that Ootori bastard for the inconvenience he'd caused her.

The bastard in question had awoken right away to the sound of the alarms. He knew this was going to come _some_ day. As predicted, Mori and Hunny were tied up and Haruhi had only the twins with her. The Ootori house was large enough such that if he crept out, he could exit the opposite wing before they knew what had hit them. He watched them slip inside from the west and began creeping towards the eastern staircase. He made it to the door to said staircase, only to hear an all too familiar voice from within:

"Kaoru, I know this is like the fifth message I've left you, but as the more sensible Hiitachiin, I feel that you're responsible for making sure Hikaru and Haruhi don't get into mischief, do you hear me? Why aren't you picking up your phone?"

Kyouya smacked his forehead and doubled back. If he ran into _that_ idiot now, he'd never make it out.

A loud gasp from the staircase caught his attention and he paused briefly.

"Karou, don't tell me _you_ also participate in lascivious activit—oh darn it, the time expired…"

The voice was getting closer and closer. Sounds could now be heard from the western staircase. They were coming for him! He dashed towards the east. If he threw Tamaki out ahead of him, he'd stall the three long enough for him to make his getaway.

"Kyouya! Kyouya, no one will answer their phones!" Tamaki shouted, opening the door dramatically.

With a crack it his Kyouya's skull as he ran headlong towards it. His legs collapsed underneath him and he fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Mommy, I worry about our children's moral standards. I mean, really, they might be engaging in a threesome as…we…speak." he took a step into the hall and felt something rather soft under his foot. A quick glance downward confirmed that it was indeed a passed out Kyouya.

"We have you now, Kyouya," a voice called from the other side of the hall. Haruhi walked towards the fallen Shadow King, a twin on either side. The voice, now clearly Hikaru's, began to laugh evilly.

"What's going on here?" Tamaki asked, placing his hands on his hips in a would-be authoritative manner. Kaoru looked at him and smiled.

"Oh, my lord, we just wanted to play a game with him, that's all!" he said, his voice dripping with innocent sweetness. Haruhi and Hikaru looked at each other, grinning, but Tamaki bought the act wholeheartedly.

"This is so sweet! Just when I thought it was hopeless to save you from the clutches of puberty, you overcame your overwhelming libidos and came to reminisce about your younger, more innocent days with Mama!" He gushed, making grand hand gestures to accompany his nonsense. "Papa is so prou—"

"—yes, yes, very good! Now leave already," Hikaru snapped, quickly growing impatient. Tamaki faltered, finally cottoning on to what was happening around him. Thankfully, however, his brain never quite fully got it because Hunny and Mori decided to appear at that moment.

"Tama, I want to eat cake!" Hunny said, taking Tamaki by the hand, his stuffed bunny somehow (he wasn't carrying it before) in his other arm. Mori pushed Tamaki from behind and the three of them left. Never mind that it was three in the morning.

The remaining three proceeded to drag Kyouya back to his room, quickly setting up the game. He was about to play a round of UkiDoki he'd never forget.

"Kaoru, plug this wire in the red slot," Haruhi ordered, handing him the wire that sprouted the little stickers that enabled one to feel in the game. She and Hikaru set about placing them on all the necessary points.

In the meantime, Kaoru was struggling to find the red slot.

This was because, unknown to everyone (including Kaoru himself) he was color-blind. Meaning he couldn't tell red from green. So, as Kyouya's luck would have it, he placed it in the green slot, unaware of the "DANGEROUS – EXPERIMENTAL" sticker that was on the bottom of the console, lined up with the slot in question. They had set it upside down unknowingly.

The wire sparked a little after being placed inside, but Kaoru assumed that was normal (_he'd_ never seen the game before, anyway). Of course, this was how an innocent prank led to the worst experience of Kyouya's life.

Hikaru and Haruhi were oblivious to the disaster occurring to their immediate right, as they started the game and selected their settings.

"He'll be a girl. Be sure to put his sex drive up. Now he'll pay for what he did to me," Haruhi was muttering. When she was opening up the multiplayer window, Hikaru put a hand over hers.

"Haruhi, does that mean you'd rather it had never happened?" he asked. She turned to him, alarmed by his serious tone.

"No, I'm just vindictive, that's all," she said, avoiding eye contact.

Kaoru realized quickly that the other two were oblivious to his existence, and thus decided to slip out, leaving the duo alone.

"I feel a little bit like we owe him something. Without him, my love for you would have gone unrequited forever…" Hikaru continued.

"Not forever!" Haruhi said suddenly, giving him a serious look. "I would have realized it eventually. He just sped it up, making me very uncomfortable in the process…" she trailed off.

Suddenly, she was in his warm arms, feeling his heartbeat and hearing his breathing in her ear.

"I love you, Haruhi. Please let me kiss you. You looked so cute just now."

Haruhi's face turned crimson as she patted him on the back, signaling him to let go. He kept his face close to hers but released her as she wished. She closed her eyes.

"Just once, ok?" she whispered, thoroughly embarrassed. Hikaru leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. They were surprisingly soft.

She kissed back when suddenly he pushed her mouth open with his tongue, gaining entry inside. When they finally broke apart, Haruhi was panting slightly.

"Can I have seconds?" Hikaru asked, smiling mischievously but blushing at the same time. Haruhi nodded slowly.

* * *

Yes, yes it's Kyouya here. I feel like I have to tell _someone_ about this, and you're as good as any, I suppose. Calm down, please.

Now then, I refuse to say that I woke up one morning to find my penis missing. I know that's what Haruhi wants me to say, but I will not give her that kind of satisfaction. After all, she, in part, ruined my life. Only just recently have I been able to salvage it.

Anyway, that's not what happened. I didn't wake up in the _morning_, at least.

When I came to (after Tamaki nearly cracked my skull open with the door) I found myself in the Third Music Room. I could see Tamaki hosting on one table, the twins nearby. Hunny and Mori were also serving guests just like usual.

The one person I couldn't find was Haruhi.

Looking down, I expected myself to be a female customer in the Host Club. That would probably be Haruhi's idea of revenge, I figured. However, I was wearing a male uniform.

I definitely wasn't male, though. I'm not going to say how I know either, so quit your smirking.

A few girls came over to me, claiming to have designated me. I sat down in a daze.

Haruhi had not only made me a girl, but she had made me a cross-dresser like herself.

DM: Ohoho! Well there's chapter 1 for you. Next chapter we'll hear some more from Kyouya, and possibly Renge. Another note: if I get reviews, I update faster. I could update this in as little as five days if you review for me! Next chapter: The Queen.


	2. The Queen

DM: Well I'm back with more for you! Thank you all so much for your reviews—you made me so happy!

Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC.

**Operation Revenge**

**Chapter Two**

**The Queen**

I continued to search around the virtual Host Club for Haruhi, but failed. I sighed, resigned to my status as a "Haruhi-esque" character. My designations were all thoroughly entranced by everything I said, which wasn't very much, really.

I vaguely wondered what I looked like. The great Kyouya as a girl was an idea that I was starting to find intriguing. I won't lie—it actually gave me a smug sort of satisfaction that I was fooling these girls.

At last, my third designation pulled out a mirror to reapply lip gloss, an obvious attempt to draw my attention to her lips.

"Oh, your lips look so luscious today, my sweet," I said, throwing her off guard with my very Tamaki-like phrase. In fact, I sounded so much like Tamaki I felt my heart throb a little. Really, had I sunk so low?

Regardless of my humiliation, the girl (a rather overweight one at that) loved the attention. She puckered her lips and whispered a soft "thanks," her hands reaching across the table for mine.

I took them, bringing the hand holding the mirror up to my face. At last I was able to see what I looked like—

"Oh my," I said softly. The girl blushed a deep crimson, believing that I was talking about her.

My reflection was the strangest thing I'd ever seen. I looked like a slightly more masculine version of my sister, Fuyumi. I didn't have glasses on but I could see perfectly. It was a strange feeling.

I muttered some barely comprehensible praises of her beauty before excusing myself, leaving her sighing happily and staring at my back.

I was a lot shorter than I was in the real world, but just as slender. The entire thing felt so surreal.

I suppose I'll have to admit that I could have possibly been in a daze. However, since I am Ootori Kyouya, I highly doubt that was the case.

Regardless, I bumped into something tall on my way to the restroom, causing me to nearly fall. A hand caught me around the waist. I had closed my eyes in preparation for the impact and therefore did not know the identity of the asshole who had gotten in my way.

"Sorry," I muttered, opening one eye slowly. I realized who it was and both my eyes snapped open and widened.

Haruhi was holding me in her—his—arms. I became dimly aware of chattering throughout the rest of the Host Club, but decided to worry about it later.

"Haruhi?" I asked, wondering how on earth she had become so tall.

He (it's strange, but I suppose that is correct) set me down on my feet, smirking. The girls in the club whispered excitedly as I looked him up and down.

Haruhi looked very different from when we'd first played the game. Now he was at least 180 centimeters tall, with broader shoulders. His face was less feminine, and he wore glasses. I then noticed that he was holding a notebook and pen. My upper lip curled in anger.

"You've usurped my position!" I whispered harshly, feeling rage boil up from my stomach. He let out a low chuckle.

"This is my game now," he replied calmly, "And my revenge."

He turned back to his work as I stood there in shock. Not ready to give up until I'd had the last word, I opened my mouth and took a step towards the taller teen.

"Why you—" I began, but was interrupted by a hand covering my mouth. A large, pale hand. I looked up to see Tamaki bending over my head, smiling his typical idiotic goofball smile.

"Now, now, Kyouya, Haruhi is busy today so let's just let him work," he said, his thumb caressing my cheek in a fond manner.

I felt a strange throbbing sensation in my body by his proximity. Tentatively, I reached out with my tongue and licked his palm. I still don't really understand why, even now as I write about it.

The look in his eyes shifted (he was surprisingly realistic for a virtually animated character) from one of patronization to one of desire. Or I could have imagined it. Whatever.

He removed his hand, my face now feeling cold where he had held it, and went back to his seat.

However, our eyes kept meeting throughout the rest of club activities in a way that made me both excited and uneasy.

It also made me sure that Haruhi and possibly Hikaru had upped my libido while hooking me up to the game. The bastards.

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Yoohoo! It's Renge again! I'm so happy to see you all again!

Anyway, sorry to bother you while you're reading, but I forgot to tell you something last time.

You see, while we were testing UkiDoki Memorial 3 with Haruhi, Kyouya had used the multiplayer mode to mess things up a little.

And by mess things up I mean he got Haruhi drunk and had a homo homo threesome with her and Tamaki. I'm getting a nosebleed just thinking about it. So moe!

I just thought you guys should know that before the story continues.

Oh yea, now that I think about it, I don't think anyone except me, Kyouya and Haruhi knows that it happened. I think they both decided to keep it quiet since it's a little bit of a sensitive issue, what with Hikaru and all.

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The aforementioned Hikaru was, at that time, with his brother as the two set about initiating phase three of Operation: Revenge, as Haruhi liked to call it.

Phase one was breaking into and entering the Ootori compound. Phase two was hooking up Kyouya to the game and arranging his settings.

Phase three was making sure that every member of the Ootori defense force was blackmailed sufficiently so that Kyouya could play through as much of the game as possible. That way, no one would interrupt him and Haruhi could at last exact her revenge.

Blackmailing the staff was the twins' job, and they were very good at it. While their victims were knocked unconscious (thanks to Hunny and Mori) they merely had to dress them up in some lovely female haute couture gowns from their mother's first fashion show. Note that their mother debuted in 1985.

After the men were sufficiently dressed and "prettied up," photos were to be taken, developed, and placed in their hands with a note saying "We have the negatives. Let Kyouya be."

Hikaru felt a proud smile come to his lips. His Haruhi had thought of such an evil plan—it amazed him, really. Kaoru ignored his brother's daydreaming as he added some lip gloss to a particularly fierce-looking bearded man.

Hikaru gave a sigh as he shoved another guard into a blue one-shoulder dress with a single enormous sleeve. His twin felt his eyebrow twitch in irritation. He wasn't really the jealous type, per se, but the fact that his brother and Haruhi had gotten together so quickly was strange to him. She had been so cold towards him before, but after two days of playing a _game_ she was suddenly in love? He didn't like it.

"Hey, Hikaru," Kaoru began. The other was humming as he rouged a young man's cheeks excessively. It was not until a few moments later that he stopped and said,

"Did you say something, Kaoru?"

Kaoru gave an impatient groan and stared at his twin with more than a little frustration.

"Why is Haruhi so dead set against Kyouya?" he asked, searching his brother's face for a reaction. The older twin rolled his eyes.

"I _told_ you already, Kaoru, she's made because he—"

"—used her as a lab rat and toyed with her emotions. Right," Kaoru interrupted, "But isn't it because of him that she realized she liked you in the first place?" He watched as Hikaru thought about it.

"But Haruhi said she would have realized _eventually_, it's just that he sped up the process—" he reasoned. Kaoru cut him off again:

"—Then why is she so mad at him? I think she owes him a debt of gratitude or something." He finished rather loudly, feeling a little angry that Haruhi was keeping them all in the dark about something.

"What are you trying to say, Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, arching an eyebrow at his younger brother. Kaoru sighed and shrugged.

"Nothing. It just seems like we don't know the whole story of what happened in that game," he said lamely. With that, he turned away, his face a calm façade.

However, as soon as Hikaru had turned back to his work, Kaoru broke a tube of lipstick as he applied it rather fiercely to Kyouya's bodyguard's lips.

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When the task was complete, the twins headed up to Kyouya's room to find Haruhi playing using multiplayer mode. There was a kitchen timer next to her that rang as Hikaru stepped closer to her.

The timer was so that they could each take turns participating in the game. That way, Kyouya wouldn't know where the attack was coming from.

Hikaru shook her awake as Kaoru disconnected her. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, still bleary from her slumber. It was now close to dawn. Thankfully, it was a Saturday. They would let Kyouya play until Sunday and then rip him back into reality.

The great thing about the game was its time ratio. Twenty-four hours in the real world coincided with a month in UkiDoki world. That would be plenty of time for Kyouya to get royally screwed up, Haruhi decided.

_Just getting his period once would be enough to scar him for life_, she thought, smirking evilly.

"Hey, can I play now?" Kaoru asked. The truth was, he was very curious about how this game worked and had been wanting to try for a while now.

The next thing he knew Haruhi had pressed chloroform to his face and he was out.

Hikaru gave her a surprised look but hooked him up nonetheless. She reached out and grabbed his arm when he was finished.

"Sorry, but I missed you. It was really hard convincing myself that the Hikaru in _there_ isn't the one right _here_," she said, by way of explanation of her rough handling of the younger Hiitachin.

Hikaru felt something inside him turn to goo as he looked at her. Her hair was slightly tousled from her position and her nose was a little red.

Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed it, just at the tip. She drew back a little in surprise, but then kissed his nose in return.

"Haruhi," Hikaru said softly, reaching across so that they were embracing over Kaoru's sleeping form, "I love you."

Haruhi felt a scarlet blush creep across her cheeks and tried not to look away. His golden eyes were so intense it was almost scary.

"I love you too," she whispered, wondering when her heart had begun to pound this way. They'd been going out for a month now, but it had never been like this.

He leaned in and closed the gap between his mouth and hers, tilting her head back and burying his hands in her hair. Haruhi closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation, until she felt something wet against her lips.

His tongue was pressing against her mouth, begging for access. Hesitating only slightly, Haruhi opened her mouth and obliged him.

Before she knew it, his tongue was sweeping across hers, giving her a swooping sensation in her stomach and causing her heart to throb almost painfully. She pressed back and their tongues clashed together in a hot, wet kiss.

However, people _do_ need to breath from time to time and the lovers pulled back eventually, each panting a little.

Hikaru looked down. Haruhi followed his gaze. They had been making out directly over a sleeping Kaoru, who now looked thoroughly engaged in the game.

"Maybe we should go," Haruhi began slowly. She got up, desperately trying to hide the weakness in her knees, and walked out of the room.

Hikaru got up to follow her, but gave one last look at his brother.

"_It just seems like we don't know the whole story of what happened in that game."_

Hikaru shook his head. Haruhi wouldn't hide anything from him.

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I noticed instantly when Haruhi left the game because her character flickered a bit. Then Kaoru's flickered to indicate his entrance.

By the way, yes I can tell the difference between the twins. Don't ask me how or why, but I can. Kaoru is less of an idiot, so I suppose my stupidity sensor is the reason.

Anyway, it was already my second day of the game (I discovered the night before that I was poor and lived in an apartment alone) and we were cleaning up after a long day of hosting. The sexual tension between me and Tamaki was rapidly increasing and paying attention in class was getting rather difficult.

Just for your information, I was a second year with Tamaki in the game. Haruhi, all though she pretended to be my replacement, had at least left me that.

I attributed the perverse thoughts that kept coming to mind to the sex drive control, which I cursed myself for not removing before giving to Renge. That had been my own idea, just to get the apathetic heroine to _care_ about _something_ for a change. If I hadn't added it, she probably would have continued just the same and never done anything entertaining.

It was all Tamaki's fault, I decided. He had knocked me out, the bumbling idiot that he was, and so I was trapped in this stupid game world in which I was forced to be a woman.

Out of spite, I stuck my leg out and tripped him as he walked by. He fell with a loud thud and then got up, laughing and thinking he'd tripped over nothing. I barely hid a smirk.

"Hey, Kyouya," Kaoru called, unaware that I knew exactly who he was, "can you go get me some pocky? I left it in the back room."

I was about to say "Go get it yourself, rich bastard" in true Haruhi-fashion, but Tamaki interrupted me.

"Here, Kyouya, I'll get it," he said. Then he turned to the twins, "Kyouya's not your slave just because she's a commoner," he announced in a shockingly serious tone.

I watched him go and the part of me that was ridiculous decided to go with him. I followed him into the back room, only to hear the door shut and lock behind me. Hikaru and Kaoru were sniggering outside.

I was trapped.

Tamaki, oblivious to it all, was searching through the cupboard for pocky. Just a note: there was never any to begin with.

"Ahem." I cleared my throat softly. He had begun to hum _Claire de Lune_.

"Ahem," I said again, a little more loudly. He was now dancing a little in time with his humming as he moved from cabinet to cabinet.

"Tamaki!" I said finally, so loud that he jumped and slammed a cabinet shut. Said cabinet rebounded with equal fervor, nearly hitting him in the face.

He dodged it with an exaggerated jump, and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the floor and he was on top of me, blushing brightly.

"Sorry," he said, "I tripped." He didn't get up. Pain was shooting through my back, but I ignored it, busy looking in his violet-blue eyes.

My heartbeat was so loud that I swore he could here it and for a moment, just a moment, I thought it was the real Tamaki lying on top of me. He slowly moved and held my hands above my head. I could feel something warm and throbbing against my leg and gasped. It was all too real. The entire game was just too real.

Luckily for me, the door opened to reveal the twins, Kaoru wearing a distinctly triumphant smirk. The hungry look vanished from Tamaki's face and he got off me, smiling sheepishly and angling his body to hide his erection.

"I couldn't find the pocky guys, sorry," he mumbled. I sat up and he fled from the room, followed by Hikaru.

"Come now, Kyouya, let's go home," Kaoru said smugly. I grabbed his pant leg to help myself up.

"You're a jerk," I said in a petty, womanish way. He laughed a little and I felt my fist curl up.

We were all alone after-hours at the Host Club.

I know what you're all thinking. I know what you write about us. "Haruhi left to go to the supermarket," leaving all those hot homo homo men alone in the music room, right? Then we have mad, passionate, homo homo orgies, right?

No, not really. I apologize, but that did not happen. Kaoru and I simply went home. I can't make any guarantees about what would have happened if he'd been Tamaki instead, though.

DM: Well there you go! Chapter two! Just a warning, there will be smut in the next chapter. Hetero smut. And in the chapter after. What a smutty fic. I apologize. Anyway, it's time for me to present you with a shameless plug: I recently began a story on fictionpress (fanfiction's sister site) called _Confessions of a Yaoi fangirl_. Just search for it in the search bar or go to the link in my profile (ff doesn't let you paste links in stories). I think it's safe to assume that most of you are yaoi fangirls, so I think you'll appreciate it. Please read and review! I wouldn't bother you about it, but it's so difficult to get readers on fictionpress. Anyway, next chapter: Triangle.


	3. Triangle

DM: I'm back from my trip

DM: I'm back from my trip! I love you guys! Thanks to:

**Sake1  
XxXChibiBunniXxX  
CyanideTearsx3  
KinKitsune01  
Kaiya-of-the-Shadows**

For your reviews! You rock!

Special thanks to **crazylittlefox** for checking out my fictionpress stuff!

Disclaimer: Same old.

**Operation: Revenge**

**Chapter Three**

**Triangle**

Tamaki was walking rather calmly with Hunny and Mori. The two were still dressed like ninjas, and they were leading Tamaki off the Ootori just as the sun was rising, passed-out bodyguards wearing make-up littering their path. Yet none of this seemed to bother him, because when he spoke, he had other concerns on his mind.

"Is Kyouya going to be ok?" Tamaki asked his captors. Hunny and Mori looked at each other.

While it was a relief that he hadn't asked, "Why do there seem to be a lot of crossdressers out this morning?" or "Are we doing ninja day at the Host Club?", his question was still difficult to answer.

"Of course, Tama," Hunny replied, giving a strained smile. He didn't know the details of Haruhi's plan, but one could be certain that the Shadow King would be a little less than fine. Mori grunted, as if to validate the little guy's response.

"Are you sure?" Tamaki asked, rubbing his chin as he sidestepped a Britney Spears look-a-like in the middle of the path, "He bumped his head rather hard on the door."

Completely unaware that the injury was entirely his fault, Tamaki furrowed his brow in worry. Hunny and Mori sighed.

"So, where are we going?" Tamaki asked.

"Cake!" Hunny replied without thinking. All that breaking and entering, assault and kidnapping had made him hungry. Mori slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Mitsukuni, it's six in the morning," he said softly. Tamaki turned around abruptly.

"That's not a problem! Commoner bakeries open at seven!" he said proudly.

"Yay!" Hunny exclaimed, jumping in the air. Mori glared at the back of Tamaki's head.

The trio walked on a little further in silence, coming at last to the end of the grounds, where the Honinozuka limo awaited them.

"Oh yea," Tamaki said as they clambered into the car, "Have any of you guys seen Haruhi? She's not picking up her phone."

"Maybe it ran out of battery," Hunny suggested sagely. Tamaki appeared to be listening.

"Maybe she was kidnapped," he said, revealing that he had already taken the first bus to Lala land.

"Or maybe she's at home," countered Mori, joining in the logic fest.

"Maybe she fell through time and now has to battle dinosaurs!" Tamaki exclaimed, ignoring the other two, "Oh god, Haruhi that's not an herbavore! No! Run!" he cried, pressing himself against the window, as if that would help.

"Or maybe she's going out with Hikaru," Hunny said quietly, tired, irritated and hungry.

"What?" Tamaki asked, frozen. For a second it looked like Hunny had got him pinned. However, he recovered quickly, shaking his head. "Nah," he said, "That's about as likely as you and Mori boning. That would never happen."

The other two exchanged glances but said nothing. Best to leave him to his own delusions, they decided.

* * *

"Say, Haruhi," Hikaru began, unsure of how to phrase his request. She turned to look at him and his voice caught in his throat. They were sitting on Kyouya's bed as Kaoru messed with their victim.

"What is it, Hikaru?" she asked. They had gotten bored of watching the game (Kyouya and Kaoru were in class) and making out in the same room as two sleeping dudes was awkward, so they were now snooping through Kyouya's CDs.

"You know that story you wrote?" he continued, watching her toss aside another CD of classical music. How boring.

"Uhm, what about it?" she asked, looking back to the box to avoid his eyes. She had never let him read past the "Haruhi and Hikaru have hot gay sex" chapter. Of course, right after it came the "Haruhi, Kyouya and Tamaki have a hot, drunken, gay threesome" chapter. She sighed, debating whether or not she should encrypt it or something.

"Can I finish reading it?" he asked. Her hands stopped, and for a second Hikaru was sure he'd made her upset.

"Look! I found George Michael!" she said happily, pulling out _Faith_ and displaying it proudly to Hikaru. He began laughing hysterically as some ludicrous images came to mind.

Kyouya singing "I Want Your Sex" in the shower being the principle one. Oh god, it was too funny.

Amidst the laughter, Hikaru forgot entirely that Haruhi was hiding half a story from him.

_I should definitely encrypt it_, Haruhi thought, a guilty feeling creeping at the back of her neck.

* * *

Of course, while Haruhi and Hikaru were conducting a gross invasion of my privacy (which she would later confess to me when I asked where my GM went) I was busy trying to fend off Kaoru's advances. It seemed he'd read some fanfiction or something overnight and decided that we would make a good couple. Asshole.

"Kyouya, whacha doin'?" he asked, peering into the closet.

"I'm changing for today's Host Club, now get out, you idiot," I said, resolutely facing away from him. I don't know when I became a snappy and self-righteous female, but Kaoru was definitely speeding up the process. He didn't reply, so I ventured a peek over my shoulder.

He was suddenly right behind me.

"Kyouya, you have such a nice body," he whispered softly in my ear. In spite of the revulsion my brain felt, I shivered. Damn hormones. It's pitiful to be confessing this to _you_ of all people. I mean seriously. Pitiful.

I had only managed to get on my pants before this interruption. We were dressing up as ninjas that day. And here I was, defenseless, shirtless, penisless and alone with a seemingly horny Kaoru. A bit of a problem, in my opinion.

"After club practice come back here and I'll show you how to get out of this mess," he whispered, placing his hands on my shoulders. I jumped as something cold and wet pressed against my earlobe. Practically shivering, my eyes widened in horror as he pushed his tongue into my ear. It was a delightful sensation, really, but the male mind inside of my was utterly disgusted. In fact, I suddenly feel like cleaning my ears.

"Kyouya, what's taking you so long?" Tamaki's voice and footsteps were coming rapidly closer. I elbowed Kaoru in the gut, causing him to nearly fall backwards. He grabbed me for support.

So, when the game-Tamaki entered the room, he saw me shirtless with Kaoru holding onto my breasts for dear life. A lovely tableau for every molestor to have in their living room.

I suddenly appreciated the level of technology that was virtual reality, because it took all sorts of rationalization to convince myself that no, he was _not_, in fact, the real Tamaki that I knew. The real Tamaki was eating cake or something at that time anyway.

The game's Tamaki ran the gamut of emotions: he at first colored in anger, then he looked as though he were about to cry, and then finally he became embarassed and ran off. Totally in character.

"That's interesting," Kaoru said after a brief pause. I cleared my throat.

"Didn't expect him to react like _that_, that's for sure," he continued, talking more to himself than to me. I cleared my throat again, a little more loudly. He was still grabbing my breasts.

He muttered something I couldn't hear and looked around a bit, as if he had lost something. When he finally located his hands his triumphant expression fell through immediately. Giving me a little squeeze, he let go and stepped back, suddenly embarrassed. I crossed my arms and began tapping my foot.

"Seriously, Kaoru, you don't even _like_ girls," I said, noting his lack of a hard-on. He blushed. There was a pregnant pause.

Then I kicked him in the shin. That got him moving so that I could at last get changed. What a jerk.

* * *

Anyway, let's cut to after club meeting, which is when Kaoru's idiocy essentially ruined my life for quite a while in ways I still have trouble understanding. Oh god, I remember it like it was yesterday (his tearful apology, that is). I also remember just as clearly that fateful afternoon, the first and last time I ever experienced heterosexual sex.

I should start from the beginning. I was changing in the closet after club practice, deciding strongly that I would install a lock in the door as soon as possible, when I heard footsteps approaching.

"Kaoru, I'm really not in the mood to be sexually harrassed. Come back tomorrow," I called, my voice dripping with its usual sarcasm. Tamaki had avoided my eyes for the rest of Host Club. I was finding it rather difficult to believe this wasn't real life, and so it bothered me that I was now estranged from the ever idiotic King.

Kaoru didn't reply, but I heard the door open behind me. Not caring that I was in my underwear (I was actually _male_, after all) I spun around to face my assailant.

"Listen, Kao--maki?" I was rather confused. It was Tamaki in the doorway.

"Kyouya," he whispered, advancing toward me. It must have been the hormones, but I was sure in that moment that the real Tamaki was in front of me.

Little did I know that the real Tamaki was now trying to pay for a 500 yen breakfast with 10,000 yen and had no idea of my predicament. I also didn't know that Haruhi and Hikaru were making out on my bed while listening to George Michael, but that was less important.

"Kyouya," Tamaki repeated, coming so close we were almost touching. He was quite tall, I realized suddenly. His hand came up and cupped my cheek, pulling me up onto tiptoe.

Out of nowhere, his mouth was suddenly pressed against mine; a wonderful, nonsensical tangle of wetness and heat ensued. His hands were in my short hair, tugging me back as his tongue pressed in further, forcing me to arch my back and bend down towards the floor--

I can't do this. Ok, yes I can. Sorry. I had to collect myself for a moment there.

I didn't realize that I was on the floor until I felt the cold shock of the tile through my camisole. Tamaki broke the kiss and stared at me, both of us panting.

He was waiting for my reaction. Several sensible courses of action were speeding for my frontal lobe (where decisions are made, you know) when Tamaki ran his thumb over my left nipple and essentially derailed them. I gasped and arched my back into his hand, which squeezed me in reply. We were kissing again and I could feel something hard and hot on my leg but did not mind at all. My camisole began sliding up and suddenly his cold hands were all over my chest.

In spite of myself, I moaned as he nibbled my neck, taking a nipple and pinching it between his thumb and forefinger as it hardened. He kissed me again, probing deeply with his tongue as he slid the camisole and the matching panties down off my body. He sat back on his heels and stared.

In a moment of horny insanity I wished that he would look at me like that when I was a man. It passed quickly as he removed his shirt. I couldn't hear any voices outside and dimly wondered if Kaoru had sent everyone home. He had planned this all along.

As Tamaki removed his pants I shivered. It was cold, lying naked there. Goosebumps formed on my chest. Clad only in boxers, Tamaki leaned foreward and placed his mouth over one of my breasts, teasing the nipple with his tongue. I gasped, shivered, squirmed beneath him, only to be pushed down flat on the floor. He nearly tore his boxers as he tossed them off, never taking his eyes off mine.

Desire taking hold completely, I let him push my legs apart, both desperate for and afraid of what was coming next. He rested his elbows on either side of my head and kissed me deeply again. Mid kiss I felt a searing pain, almost like burning between my thighs. I broke away.

He was going painfully slowly. It hurts more when something's only halfway in, to be honest. This is also true in men, as I would learn later. I grabbed his hair and pulled him until we were nose to nose, which I think surprised him a little.

"Just. do. it. all. at. once." I growled through gritted teeth. Women are scary.

He complied and with one more painful thrust I was filled with Tamaki. It was a wonderful feeling, to be honest. He held me close, waiting for my pain to subside. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pushed him up and gazed in his eyes. I then said, not for the last time, "Fuck me, please." Tamaki's always been the obedient type.

His eyes were half-lidded in lust as he thrust in and out, occasionally kissing me but mostly biting his lower lip. He let out a low moan. I wrapped my legs over his back and moaned in reply, pushing myself up into him, feeling him go deeper with each thrust. It was exquisite.

The thrusting grew faster as Tamaki muttered out barely comprehensible "yea"s and "Oh Kyouya"s. I bucked back, delighting in the mixture of pain and pleasure as our hips collided roughly. He propped himself up on his arms and looked down at my face as I moaned and begged him not to stop. However, three huge thrusts and the sexiest look I've ever seen on Tamaki's face told me it was over. He had come, and beautifully.

Knowing full well that I hadn't had the orgasmic experience he'd had, he whispered a soft apology and kissed my nose. I wrinkled it in reply.

"Don't worry about it," I said, regaining my usual tone, "They say the female orgasm is very fickle."

* * *

This is mildly bad, guys, I'm sorry to say. Oh yea, it's Renge again, but this time I don't think I can be as cheerful as usual. Sigh...

Anyway, Kyouya is having his fifth round of sex with the game-Tamaki, which I have a very bad feeling about. I also wish Kyouya was a man. It would be so much hotter that way. Don't look at me like that!

Furthermore, there's something else that worries me. Thanks to Kaoru, Hikaru and Haruhi seem like they're about to have some problems. Also thanks to Kaoru, it seems Kyouya is falling in love with Tamaki, who has so far seemed to be straight (sadly). Lastly, he just told me with complete conviction that my new red iphone was green. He's behaving very strangely! Not only is he involved in two love triangles, but now he's contracted colorblindness!

Actually, you might be born with that last one.

I could have sworn this was important to the story somehow, but I forgot. Sorry!

DM: Well that's it for now. Sorry that this was borderline crack. Also sorry that the sex scene wasn't horribly sexy. Kyouya's not very good at that, you know. Anyway, next chapter will be entirely third-person narrative, because I can't be trusted with Kyouya and Renge's voices. Please review! I can update within the week if you do! Next chapter: Double Trouble.


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